Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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