What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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