The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize