So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
