no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
