You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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