I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize