"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
