At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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