Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
