a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
