I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
