she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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