I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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