Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
