Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
