dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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