Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
