Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
