Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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