Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize