everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
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