The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
