so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
