i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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