My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
its not stalking. its research.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
