a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
