And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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