God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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