the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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