I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
