I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
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