Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
