im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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