I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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