so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
