How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
