Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
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