Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
