All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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