oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
