Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
