i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
