Yo dont text me then not text me
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
