I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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