Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
