You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
