butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
