So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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