Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
