good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
