Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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