R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize