Im at strip club and am horny
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
