I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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