Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize