I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize