If i come over, it means nothing
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
