I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
