after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize