sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
