Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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