Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
